Taken from The Daily Post: When was the last time you felt really, truly lonely?

I have sat down and attempted to answer this post at least three times in the past few months but simply couldn’t come up with something that truly answered that question. Surprisingly, leaving dorm life took away almost all of my loneliness in Junior year so far. In fact, I’ve come to covet time alone in the house and rejoice when I find the house left for me to enjoy all by myself. When I read Tabby’s post recently talking about how it can feel very lonely to be a Malaysian studying abroad, I truly empathized with that and am finally able to put into words my most recent lonely experience.

I’m tired of explaining things; of having to explain what kiasu means and what on earth bak kut teh is. Words describing home and even personally experiencing the taste and the atmosphere of home can only do so much. 19 years of my life was spent in what home was then, not what home is now. I can only attempt to share with my friends these experiences that I forcefully duplicate in this Western world. Sometimes everything just seems so contrived. This gap seems to be impossible to bridge. And it is tiring and sad when I realize that this exists between me and some of the most beloved people in my life now. There is only so much that can be done to close this gap. At some point, tasting nga koo and describing my high school days will simply turn into meaningless words and tastes. They will simply be one more thing to add to the list.


2 thoughts on “Alone

  1. You’re not alone! I wish we were near each other then we could cook bak kut teh, call people perasan, and drink teh tarik while reminiscing of the good ol’ days in Melawati. Haha.

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